1. Talk too fast
2. Laugh too much
3. Say words such as 'actually' ten times a minute
4. speak before they think
5. have high voices
6. Have no idea that they tend to be vulgar

• Ratings are important, so, what is the difference between 'cume' and 'share' in ARB?
• If you are alone at the station when the station goes off the air, are you allowed to go to the transmitter and get it back on?
• You're an on-air person and you receive a gift from a sponsor. Are you allowed to keep it?
• How big a deal is it if you curse on the air?
• If someone is 'attacked' by your station, how long until they are offered equal time?
• If there is a disaster, is your station allowed to increase its power, if that will save lives?

1. Cume is the total number of people listening. Share is the percentage of potential listeners who are listening.
2. Unless you have an engineer's license, hands off the equipment.
3. You may keep a gift, but you had better report it to both your station manager and to the IRS. If you received the gift because you did something on-air for the sponsor, then the gift is payola, and you are in trouble.
4. Cursing can get your station a $250,000.00 fine. It's a very big deal.
5. The Equal Time rule does not exist anymore. Trick Question.
6. You cannot increase power without FCC approval no matter what the circumstances.

I have been a Program Director, and I will tell you this - if I heard an audition that was absolutely a killer, I MIGHT bring the person in. The problem for the Program Director is, "how does he know that the audition wasn't carefully rehearsed over and over? How does he know the talent can do this live?" So, he has to give him a shot on the air. That can be a big problem if the talent isn't really a talent. I'd talk to the talent no matter what the experience, if the audition was an absolute killer. In all the time I was a PD, in both Philadelphia and at a network in Tampa, I never got a sensational audition from people with limited experience. Never! For 95% of the people seeking a job in radio I would suggest getting experience, but for a very few, there are exceptions.

Me? I started in the boonies, and I have often wondered if I made the right choice. True, I honed my act in small towns, but maybe I wasted my time.

My first shot at the big time was with WNBC in New York. My dues had been paid. My resume included WMAS in Springfield, WCOU in Lewiston, ME, WNBH in New Bedford, MA and a host of other small to medium stations. I was NOT going to blow the opportunity. On the bus in to New York, I started mentally doing the show. I envisioned the studio, I could see the records, I saw the "ON-AIR sign, and I knew what I was going to say.

Guess what? Thankfully, I was a smash hit. Within two months I was coast to coast with Joe Garagiola on radio MONITOR. I had done my homework, planned my show and worked my plan. Guys who try to "phone it in" never stick around. You have to work your rear off to make it big.

People tune in to a radio station for entertainment and information. But even when being entertained, they want to be informed. They want to know who wrote the song, they love to hear bits of 'inside' stuff about the stars. Reading entertainment mags is important, but it's just the tip of the iceberg. When was the last time you read a book on the NY Times best seller list? When was the last time you read an entire newspaper? When was the last time you watched a Sunday morning news program?

If you ask, "What the hell does that have to do with being a great alternative music jock?" obviously your brain is on 'idle'. You have to know how to communicate on air, but there is so much more about this BUSINESS. You have to know how to intelligently deal with sponsors, how to entertain at public appearances and how to deal with management. For example, if you have a Health Plan that wants to advertise with ad lib spots, and you know zip about health plans, how can you do an ad lib spot? Sponsors aren't going to give money to people who are ignorant about their business.

If you think knowing all about music will get you a great job, guess again. Sure you have to know the music, but in most stations today, you just play what the computer tells you to play. Your job is to entertain. You have to be bright, funny, glib and know how to do all this in just a few seconds. Radio formats are tight. If you blither on for more than 30 seconds, unless you are doing talk radio, you're gonna get a call from the Program Director telling you to shut up. So, you have to know your stuff, and that means more than just knowing the music.

Radio is no different than any other profession. You have to have an education, and an ability, to do the job. Being educated is a very important part of success. I don't know too many people in top 10 markets who don't have an education. You might be able to be uneducated as an athlete, or movie star, or singer and so forth, but when you have to communicate, you have to be the smartest of the smart. I constantly hear radio people in small markets complaining about the lousy pay, the rotten conditions, and I can only hope that they understand why they are not in the major leagues.

If your immediate reaction is, 'I need work now, I can't go back to school', that's understandable. But, there are things you can do. Just read on

Let me show you the value of an education in a radio show. Here's the uneducated guy:

• "Good afternoon, New York. It's a fabulous day to be a New Yorker. The Yankees won game five of the World Series last night, and New Yorkers are celebrating. How's that for a segue into a song? Here is CELEBRATION comin your way."

  Well, that was pretty awful. Let's listen to the educated guy:

• "From the bawdy bodegas of the Bowery to the Brooklyn Bridge, from the Bronx to the Battery, there is joy in Mudville. The Yanks have done it again. Game Five is ours." (Production Note CELEBRATION comes in cold!)

The second shows some knowledge of alliteration, the repetition of sounds. It shows intimacy with the city. It shows a knowledge of literature, the term MUDVILLE refers to Mudville in Casey at the Bat. It has oomph, it is major league, it is the sound of a smart, educated and very cool on air talent".

You say you can't go to college? OK, fine. There's still a lot you can do. You could go to a community college, you could go to night school. Nah, that would be too much work. That would be difficult. You want your nights and weekends free so you can meet babes or studs. You find it imperative to watch the latest episode of SURVIVOR.

Look, we understand that life has to be lived, that you need to have a social life. But, everyone can't have everything. If you really want to make the big time, it takes sacrifice. You might have to turn the TV off, and read an industry magazine. There's Radio&Records, for example. Not the online version, because that's just an outline. Can't afford a subscription? Well, they still have libraries in most towns.

See, here's the skinny. If you want a really easy way to make it to New York radio .... it doesn't exist. It simply doesn't!

I remember going to radio conventions when I couldn't afford them. So, I went without paying the entrance fee, and hoped that somehow I could sneak into the sessions. Luckily, I met some people and eventually received credentials from a guy I met at the hotel bar. I went to every session they offered, and learned more in one weekend than most people learn in five years.

The moral of the story is that you have to know everything about radio. You have to know everyone in radio.

The answers are: you have to work harder; you have to work smarter and you have to use al the tools you can find. Do you have a website? OK, let's change that, do you have a great website, or just something you threw together? You can go to a dozen different places where they will help you build a website even if you have zero computer knowledge. Why do you need a website? It's just one more thing you need in your arsenal. You need a great tape, a great cover letter, a great website, great knowledge of the industry and a helluva lot of talent.

O.K., let's talk about your audition. How long do you think a PD will listen to tapes he/she receives? Here's the answer. If the Program Director doesn't like it immediately, he might listen to 20 seconds. You have to grab him/her from the first word. You have to do something that will just stop him dead.

Picture the PD turning your audition on and hearing you say, in a powerful voice, "There is a GOD in heaven. (pause) I am telling you, there has to be something more than molecules colliding in space to make a voice like this.(drop in a song by anyone with a fabulous voice. (For example, if you play oldies or standards or lite rock use a Celine Dion song or something by Toni Braxton or Barbara Streisand or Andreas Boccelli). There isn't a PD alive who wouldn't say, "Wow, that's different, that's cool."

When you are working, or making an audition, spend the time between songs THINKING of what you will do next. As a matter of fact, while you are driving to work, think of 'shtick'. You don't need to write it down, just get it in your mind. Make it relevant, make it 'in the moment'. Then when you are doing your show, or making an audition, you have stuff ready to go. Everyone rehearses. Movie stars rehearse, singers rehearse, baseball players practice. Why is it then that so many radio people try to just wing it?